Akhlaq
Imam Sadiq (S.A.W.) explains Luqman’s following admonition to his son:
“A hypocrite has three signs: his tongue contradicts his heart, his heart contradicts his conduct, an his appearance contradicts his inner (beliefs).”
Bihär al-A nwär v.15, p. 30
Man’s thoughts reveal his real self. People who attempt to conceal what is in their hearts beneath hypocrisy and flattery will never be successful, for their reality and the truth will eventually be revealed.
A man said to Imam Sadiq (A.S.):
“When a person says to me: ‘I like (or love) you.’ How do I know that he is telling the truth?”
The Im(A.S.) answered the man:
“Examine your heart, if you like him then he likes you. Look in your heart, if it refuses your companion then one of you has done something.”
Al-Wafi v.3, p. 106
Dr. Mardin said:
“If you really think that you can introduce yourself with words then you have deceived yourselves. Because others will not judge you by the norms you wish to assign. Rather they will know you by your actions, words, conditions, conscience, and your inner self. The people who you talk to will notice the strengths and weaknesses of your ideas, your hypocrisy and reality from your speech and even your silence. The people around you will discover your hopes and intentions, and then form their opinions about you; even if you object to some of their views about you, they will be unwilling to change them.
“Sometimes we hear people say: ‘I can’t even stand to look at a specific person.’ These individuals cannot tolerate the hated ones, even though they may have some praiseworthy traits or a pleasant appearance. People who feel this way do so because they have read the thoughts and feelings of others. We also feel that Way about some people. This is the effect of thoughts. All our thoughts and feelings spread around us and others sense them with the rays of their thought’’
Pirozi Fikr
Imam (A.S.) said:
“Healthy consciences have more truthful testimonies than eloquent tongues.”
Ghurar al-Hikam p. 105
When we say hypocrisy, we mean it in a broader sense than just ideological, behavioral, moral, or verbal hypocrisy, for Islam has called all its adherents to a total and comprehensive unity, so as to lead them to a sincere life free of hypocrisy, dissension and treachery.
* * *
6.
SLANDER
*A Society Polluted with Sins
*The Disadvantages of Slander
*What Causes Slander to Spread
*Religion Verses Ill Manners
A Society Polluted with Sins
There is no doubt that at the present time societies suffer from various types of spiritual deviations and psychological corruption, and have failed to develop their manners at the same pace that they were able to secure material luxuries for themselves. Such societies face a great number of acute diseases which have overwhelmed the ocean of life with pains as days go by. Those who earnestly struggle to avoid pains end up intoxicated with sins and in search of refuge in the lap of lowliness in order to their spiritual pains and anxieties. Yet, the sun of felicity shall never beam its bright rays lives.
These people have deceived themselves believing that they have become free of all restrictions and rules; and are now competing in the fields of Lowliness and failure. When we carefully examine the lives of these people who lack manners, we find that the rapid advancement of material methods the aims for which they were invented. They have made the material phenomena an axis for their hopes and wishes, and the gloominess of sins has overshadowed their societies.
It would have been more productive if they had used their vast wealth, which they spend on deviation and disarray, in the field of implementing good authentic manners, which cannot be changed. Nevertheless, the norms for their accepted behavior is constantly changing.
Needless to say that unless noble traits become the judging point for good personalities in any given society the members of that society will not observe them but rather will become overwhelmingly influenced by the social mind which leads them to imitate others actions, ignoring any possible adverse affects. In the light of this we should realize that contemporary civilizations lack the ability to bring about healthy, noble characteristics, nor can they guarantee salvation or happiness for any society. Dr. Carl, the famous French scholar, said:
“We need a world where every one can find a proper place for himself without discriminating between material or spiritual needs. With this we are able to realize how we can live, for we realize then that advancing on the path of life without a righteous guide is a dangerous affair. Now that we realize this danger, it is amazing how we have neglected the search for methods of reasonable thinking. The fact is that only a handful of people have really discovered this danger. The majority of people are overtaken by their lusts and are so intoxicated with them that, regardless of how much advanced technology offers them, they are unwilling to give up any of their illegal joys for the sake of a decent civilization.
“Life today is like a magnificent river which runs down a steep slope, washing our hopes and dreams into the sea of corruption and deviation, for the sake of satisfying immediate desires and instant needs. Many people have devised new needs and now struggle hard to fulfill these needs. In addition to these needs, there are other things that bring temporary happiness to them, such as slander, backbiting, aimless conversation, etc. which are in fact more harmful than alcohol to their health.”
One of the social deviations on which we elaborate is slander; it is unnecessary to explain the technical meaning of slander, for it is known to everyone.
The Disadvantages of Slander
The most dangerous disadvantage of slander is the destruction of the spiritual personality of the slanderer’s conscience. Those who violate the natural path of their thought will lose their thinking balance and their excellent behavioral system; in addition to harming people’s feelings by revealing their secrets and faults.
Slander destroys the throne of human morality and deprives man of his dignity and noble qualities with amazing speed. In fact, it burns the veins of morality in the hearts of the slanderer to ashes. Slander diverts pure thoughts to the point that the gates of reason and understanding come to a dead end. When we reflect on its harm to society,we discover that it has done great damage to its members.
Slander plays a devastating role in bringing about enmity and hatred among the different members of society. If allowed to spread in any nation, slander will deprive it of greatness, a good reputation and create an unamendable dissension in that nation.
It is unfortunate that we must acknowledge the fact that slander has found its way into all social classes. This point confirms the fact just as the events of life are related, so are the spiritual and psychological deviations that may appear in a social class penetrating to all other classes. As a result of the spread of slander, pessimism and suspicion shadow the social mind; people loose trust in each other and replace it with mistrust. With this in mind, we can safely say that unless society enlightens itself with brotherly thinking and noble qualities, it will never gain harmony or unity therein. A society which lacks the blessings of noble traits is surely distanced from life’s real characteristics.
What Causes Slander to Spread
Regardless of the fact that slander is a manifestation of practical sins, it is directly related to human spirituality. Slander is a sign of a dangerous underlying psychological disorder for which we must search the spiritual and psychological realms.
Behavioral scholars mention a number of reasons for the spread of slander. The most important being:
Envy, anger, conceit, self-righteousness and suspicion. Undoubtedly, every action by any individual stems from a certain condition lying in his conscience, and as a result of a manifestation of such conditions, which are like burning coal under cold ashes, the tongue, the translator of man’s feelings, speaks out slander.
When a certain characteristic becomes deeply rooted in man’s conscience, it blinds his eyes and rules his thought. One of the reasons that slander is so widespread is that slanderers are heedless of its dangerous after-effects. We see people who refrain from most other sins but don’t think twice about committing this miserable crime. The repetition of slander without concern as to its after-effects deprives man of control of his ability to refrain from following his lusts regardless of his knowledge of their dangerous reality. These people endeavor to achieve integrity and perfection. Individualslike this remove themselves from reality by refusing to bear the least bit of pain in the path of obtaining happiness. In this way, they fall prey to the rule of their lowly lusts.
Those who do not observe their own or other’s dignity are not abiding by the law of ethics; and a person who makes life an arena for his lusts. encroaching upon other’s rights deserves misery.
Poor quality of manners originates from weak faith, and manners are a result, of belief (faith). If a person has no faith, he has no motive to behave well or observe moral excellence.
Everyone has an opinion as to the best method of rescuing people from deviation and moral corruption. In my opinion the most effective way is to encourage the qualities of good will in people by awakening the calls of goodness and human instincts in them and leading them to exploit the treasures of their minds on the path of obtaining happiness. By bringing people’s attention to the effects of ill manners and strengthening their will, we may become victorious over all evil characteristics, and replace the rails of darkness with noble traits.
Dr. Jago writes:
“When we intend to fight an undesirable habit we must first recognize its evil results. Then we should acknowledge the habit and finally reflect on the incidents which made us victims of such a habit. If we acquaint ourselves with the stages of this habit, we will become triumphant over the inspiration of that habit by feeling the joy of eradicating it.”
With the existence of the seeds of integrity in the human soul and by providing it with the methods of defense, we are able to recognize the reasons behind misguidance and confusion and eradicate them from our souls and consciences, erecting a strong barrier in the face of our endless wants and lusts.
Actions present the actuality of people to us and therefore are reflections of their honor and reality. For this reason, if a man desires happiness he must select his righteous actions in order to transform them into valuable seeds of happiness. Men must also keep in mind that Allah is aware of all his actions no matter how minor they might seem.
According to one philosopher:
“Do not say that the universe has no reason nor sense, for by saying so you accuse yourselves of lacking reason and/or senses. Thus, if the universe had no reason or sense, you, too, would be senseless and unreasonable.”
In the same manner that a society needs material essentials to be able to continue living, it needs a certain amount of harmony required to maintain spiritual ties between its various members. A society which strictly observes the heavy burden of its social duties can greatly benefit from them in obtaining integrity.
In order for us to bring our souls out of the darkness into light, we must strengthen all noble thoughts in our minds to counter any destructive ideas or inspirations. By guarding our tongues against slander, we take the first step towards happiness. In order for us to counter the wide spread of corruption, it is incumbent on us to create a psychological revolution among the people. We can do this by observing the rights of others which in turn will cause the roots of humanity and spirituality to grow, thus taking another step towards the advocacy of noble traits on which the survival of every society depends.
Religion Verses ill Manners
The Holy Qur`an manifests the reality of slander in one short but eloquent verse:
“Does one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? But you abhor it,”
Therefore, in the same way that it is natural for a human to reject eating the flesh of a dead person, his reason should resent slander. The religious, leaders gave as much attention to correcting the feelings and psychological characteristics of people as they gave to their struggle to eradicate polytheism and atheism.
The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) said:
“I have not been sent save to perfect noble manners.
People have been guided to morality by the great Islamic school, backed by strong and logical understanding. Islam considers any encroachment on the borders of morality a great and reprehensible sin.
In fact, Islam did not stop at categorizing slander as a grave sin, but has made it the duty of all Muslims to defend the honor of one who is being slandered.
“If a man is slandered while you are present, be a helper to the man, reprehend the slanderer, and depart the group.”
Nahj al- Fasahah p. 48
The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) said:
“He who defends his brother’s honor in his absence, then it is his right upon Allah to safeguard him from the Fire.”
Nahj al- Fasahah p. 613
The Messenger (S.A.W.) also said:
“He who slanders a Muslim during the month of Ramadan, will not be awarded for his fasting.”
Bihãr al- Anwar v.16, p. 179
The Messenger (S.A.W.) also described the Muslim as follows:
“A Muslim is one who from whose hands and tongues other Muslims are safe.”
It is clear that if an individual allows his tongue to slander his Muslim brother, then he has certainly violated the rules of morality, and becomes a criminal in the eyes of humanity and Islam. All Islamic schools have unanimously agreed that slander is a major sin; for the slanderer violates the Divine commands and crouches upon the rights of others, heedless of the Creator’s commands.
Just as an absent person cannot defend his honor and dignity, a dead person is unable to defend himself; therefore, it is the duty of every one to respect the rules concerning the dignity of the dead.
Slander and backbiting are one sort of spiritual pressure. Imam Ali (A.S.) said:
“Slander is the strain of the weak”.
Ghurar al-Hikam p.36
Dr. H. Shakhter said:
“Disappointment in obtaining one’s needs results in spiritual torture. This spiritual torture instigates us to depict a form of defense. People differ in the kind of action they take in such situations. If a man feels that others do not give him the kind of attention he expects, for fear of being rejected, he chooses isolation and loneliness over socialization. He may sit in the corner of a gathering silent and secluded, not speaking to anyone, criticizing them; or laughing by himself for nor reason. Or he may argue with others, slander the absent, and criticize the rest until he proves his presence in this manner.”
Rushde Shaksiyyat
Dr. Mann, in his book entitled, The Fundamentals of Psychology writes:
“In order to preserve our honor, we may try to substitute our defeats or shortcomings by blaming others for them. For instance, if we fail an exam we blame the teacher for the questions given; or if we cannot get promoted to a position, we put the position down or slander those who occupy it. Or we may hold others responsible for our inability while in fact they are not.”
In conclusion, in order to develop good traits, we must observe ourselves and maintain pure intentions. We should start with ourselves, so that we can obtain appropriate grounds for our happiness and the happiness of our society in all fields.
7.
FAULT-FINDING
ignorance of ones own Faults
The Sarcastic and the insulters
Religious Teachings Verses Sarcasm
Ignorance of One’s Own Faults
One of the greatest behavioral weaknesses of man is the ignorance of his own faults. In many instances the soul ignores an unwanted quality which results in the subconscious adopting of such a trait as a basis of misery. When a person becomes the slave of his ignorance, he kills the spirit of morality in himself. Thus becoming the victim of his inclinations and various lusts, which isolate him from happiness and comfort. Under such conditions, neither guidance nor constructive advice can be productive.
The first requirement for the salvation of oneself is to realize your shortcomings. The only way man can eradicate ill manners and rescue himself from the dangers of his personality that may lead him to misery, is if he recognizes these manners.
A careful study of the characteristics of the human psyche, so as to educate mankind, is a vital step toward leading to both spiritual and behavioral integrity. Reflecting on oneself allows the individual to realize his shortcomings and positive points, eradicate the unwanted tr, and purify the mirror of his soul from the filth of sins by conducting a basic purification of his manners.
We commit an unforgivable mistake when we carelessly ignore the real reflection of ourselves in the mirror of our actions. It is our responsibility to discover our own characteristics in order to pinpoint the unwanted traits which unwillingly have grown in us. Undoubtedly we will be able to eradicate the roots of such traits, even prevent them from appearing in our lives by constantly struggling against them. At any rate, achieving noble traits requires forbearance with long lasting hardships. It is not an easy matter to execute.
In order for us to eradicate the roots of dangerous and harmful habits, we not only have to recognize them but also must possess a strong will to do so. The more organization we can apply to our actions, the straighter and more productive our thoughts become. The advantages of every step in this process become manifest to us as we move on to the next stage.
Dr. Carl has written:
‘The most effective method to transform our daily program into an acceptable one is to examine it with scrutiny every morning and review the results every evening Thus, in the same manner that we anticipate to finish a certain job at a specific time, we should include in our schedule certain steps so others may benefit from our activities. We should be fair and just in Our conduct.
“Behavioral lowliness is just as repulsive as bodily dirt. Thus, it is just as important to cleanse our bodies form dirt as it is to purify our manners of filth. Some people exercise before and/or after sleeping; reflecting on our manners and thoughts is just as important as these exercises. By studying the way we should act and struggling to observe the borders of our designated limits, we can see our realities without any barrier. Our success in decision making is directly related to our inner-selves. It is incumbent upon every one whether young or old, rich or poor, learned or ignorant. to realize what he has done in daily expenditures and earnings, as scientists write down the results of their experiments. By applying such methods with scrutiny and patience, our souls and bodies change for the better.”
The Sarcastic and the Insulters
It is the nature of some people to search for the faults, mistakes, and secrets of others and to criticize and blame them for these shortcomings. Yet in most circumstances, these people’s faults and shortcomings greatly exceed their noble traits. They ignore this and occupy themselves with the misfortunes of of hers.
Insulting others is an evil trait which pollutes man’s life and degrades his behavioral characteristics.
The elements which motivate man to put others down become more dangerous when accompanied with conceit, arrogance and self-righteousness. These behavioral complexes instigate man to make false judgments while thinking that they are positively the right ones.
Those who constantly criticize others waste their efforts in manners unacceptable to reason or law. They give too much importance to observing their friends’ faults in order to insult and downgrade them, ignoring the fact that by doing so they deprive themselves of any opportunity to notice their own mistakes, thus leading themselves from the path of guidance and righteousness. Those who lack courage do not observe any rule or respect the honor of others; they cannot live in harmony with the closest people to them. When these people cannot find acquaintances to insult, they turn to relatives and friends; for this reason these people are unable to make real friends whose love and respect they can enjoy.
Men earn their honor throughout their lives; therefore, those who offend the honor of others, subject their own honor to insults and destruction.
Although those who constantly insult others may not realize the amount of damage they do to themselves, they cannot stop themselves from the social reaction to their wrongdoings. Wrongdoings which bring them nothing except hate, enmity and disgust. They feel sorry, but as it is said, “It is impossible to bring a bird back to its nest when it has flown away.”
He who wishes to socialize with others has to define his own duties and responsibilities, one of which is to always look for the virtuous traits and good deeds of others in order to be able to glorify them. He must also rid himself of the traits which insult the dignity of others and contradict the fundamentals of love, for love only survives if it lives within the exchanges of respect and observance of both parties. He, whose habit it is to conceal the shortcomings of his loved ones and friends will enjoy more stable relationships. It is also complimentary if one is able to bring the attention of those he loves to their weak points so the individual has a chance to change.
Of course, it is necessary for an individual wishing to bring his friend’s attention to an unpleasant trait to apply special skills so as not to insult or “hurt his feelings.”
According to one educator:
“It is possible to bring the attention of your listener to his mistakes by a glance or a gesture, it is usually unnecessary to speak directly. If you were to say to someone, ‘You made a mistake, he would never agree with you for you have insulted his reason, ability to think and self-confidence. Confronting him openly makes him resist your action without adjusting his views, even if you prove to him beyond doubt that you are right. When you bring a conversation do not open it with, ‘I will prove it to you.’ or ‘I will substantiate that,’ for this means that yon are smarter or more clever than the person to whom von are speaking. The act of correcting someone’s thinking is a difficult task so why add more trouble by the wrong procedure and creating an irreversible barrier.
“When you propose to prove a point it is important that others are not aware of von attention. You should proceed towards your goal with precise steps without allowing anyone the opportunity to discover your aim. Remember the following saying when working in this field: ‘Teach people without being teachers.”’
Religious Teachings Verses Sarcasm
The Holy Qur`an warns the sarcastic of their gloomy fate, and cautions them about the results of their evil actions. It is written in the Qur`an:
“Woe to every slanderer, defamer.” Islam deems it obligatory for all Muslims to observe the rules of manners and good conduct so as to preserve unity. Islam also forbids slander and sarcasm in order to avoid dissension and the weakening of brotherly relationships. Therefore, it is the duty of every Muslim to observe the rights of others and to refrain from insulting or humiliating them.
Imam Sadiq (A.S.) said:
“A believer becomes more reassured near another believer than a thirsty man does when he finds cold water.’’
al-Kafi v. 2, p. 247
Imam Baqir (A.S.) said:
“It is enough of a fault of an individual to note the faults of people and ignore that which he suffers from, criticize others for something that he himself does or to hurt an intimate friend with that which does not concern him.”
aI—Kafi v.2. p. 459
Their grandfather, lmam Ali (A.S.) said:
“Avoid the companionship of those who search for people’s shortcomings, for their companions are not safe from their plots.”
Ghurar aI-Hikam p. 148
Although it is part of man’s nature to refuse criticism, one should be attentive to constructive criticism. It is under the shadow of constructive advice that we are able to prepare the elements for advancing ourselves, if Allah wills.
The Commander of the Faithful (A.S.) reminded us of the above-mentioned fact when he said:
“Let the closest to you be from among people who guide you to (discover) your shortcomings, and aid you against your own wrong inspirations.”
Ghurar al-Hikam p. 558
The following is from Dr. Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People:
“We must listen to criticism and accept it for we should not expect two-thirds of our actions and thoughts to be accurate. Albert Einstein admitted that ninety-nine percent of his ideas and conclusions were false. When someone wants to criticme, I find myself being defensive without even knowing what he wants to say; yet, when this happens I later resent myself.
“We all prefer praise and glorification and refuse reprehension and criticism without observing the degree of appropriateness and accuracy of any of these comments. We surely are not the children of proof and logic but the children of feelings. Our minds become like sailing ships which are tossed around by the waves of feelings on a dark sea. At the present time most of us are self-confident, but in forty years we shall look back at ourselves and laugh at our actions and thoughts.”
Imam Ali (A.S.) said:
“He who searches for people’s shortcomings should start with himself.”
Ghurar al-Hikam p. 659
Dr. H. Shakhter has said:
“Instead of objecting to the utterances or actions of others it is better to reflect on your own problems and pains if possible correct them. it is incumbent upon each one of us to reflect on our problems, discover our faults and shortcomings and solve them if we can.”