I have heard that Islamic marriage is primarily just a legal contract with little of no spiritual dimension. Is this true? What is the meaning of marriage in Islam? Islamic marriage has two sides which are two facets of a single reality.

One facet deals with the inner nature of marriage - the "why" of marriage - the deeper, less self-evident purposes of marriage.

The other is the practical side which seeks to ensure a firm, non-sentimental approach to practical issues which are necessary for a successful negotiation of the difficult path of marriage.

The marriage ceremony (nikah) reflects these two facets.

One facet is the intention which the man and woman make internally within themselves as they recite the marriage contract. This intention must be firm and clear and based upon the understanding of marriage as laid out in the Qur'an:

"It is He who created you from a single soul, And made its mate of like nature in order that you might dwell with her in love...."(7:189) The male and female complete each other - together they make a single self and this is how they must strive to make their lives together - as if they are one being, one person.

The other facet is the legal facet - the fact that marriage is also a contract with attendant rights and obligations which the man and woman fulfil towards one another. It is in this contract that the man and woman can specify terms and conditions of the marriage, if they wish to. By making the practical side upfront and clear there can be no misunderstandings at a later time. The words of the actual contract are as follows:

The woman says: "I have made myself your wife and have accepted the mahr." Then the man responds: "I have accepted the marriage." The words should be recited in Arabic, if possible. If one is unable to recite them in Arabic then a representative (wakeel) recites them on your behalf, as in: "Fatima makes herself your wife....". It should be noted here that the act of marriage is in the hands of the woman - she is the one who does the giving - the man then accepts what she gives. (Also, if this is her first marriage, then the assent of the father must be obtained for the marriage)

It is through the nikah (and only through the nikah) that a man and woman become legally permissable to one another for the type of close and intimate relationship signified in marriage.

The mahr is a "free gift" that the man offers to the woman as a token of the seriousness of his intention and his love for her - that he sacrifices something of his substance to her as a gift that is hers to do with as she pleases. The mahr can range from something immaterial such as teaching a verse of the Qur'an to his wife, to a ring, to property or money. The mahr must be agreed upon by the man and woman themselves, not their parents. The mahr is given to the bride - not her parents. The mahr is hers and hers alone and she may return all or a portion of it to her husband, if she so wishes.

Meaning of marriage

The Qur'an says: "Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (2:188) So a husband and wife complete each other - each one takes on a new aspect of their humanity, a new facet to their personality by entering into marriage and this is symbolized in this verse. Garments also conceal the body and protect the wearer so that a husband and wife are each others protectors and helpers - each of them protects their partner's honour and the state of marriage is a haven and a sanctuary where each should feel safe and at peace.

The Qur'an also says: "And of everything we created a pair that haply you may remember" (51:49) The word for spouse (zawj) literally means one of a pair - and when the pair come together and act in concert with one another then concealed potentials within them - potentials that were impossible to realize while they were apart - make themselves evident. This is true throughout creation, and human marriage is a microcosmic reflection of a nature and tendency that exists at all levels of creation. When something is created as one of a pair, it is clearly incomplete without the other. "He Himself created the pair, male and female." (53:45)

The term "nikah" used for the marriage is also used figuratively to describe the coming together of various aspects of creation (for example, "The rain married the soil"). From this intimate mingling something new springs forth - the earth brings forth flowers, herbage - it opens to new creations, new life, new potentials. The act of marriage "courses through all things." Each pair of the marriage brings something necessary and something unique to the marriage - the pairs are not identical but complimentary to one another - their unique qualities when mingled together produce that which neither one alone could produce. Each individual of the pair also undergoes change and transformation when they come together in "marriage" (marriage is an intimate mingling of the selves, souls, personalities, and beings of two individuals). In human marriage, this change takes place at many levels, from a change in lifestyle, to changes in behaviour, to changes in the soul. There must be that willingness on the part of both individuals to allow this unifying transformation to take place. To accept the self the way it is, is to lock oneself into stagnation and narrowness and to remain an individual - not part of an intimately joined pair.

Since "God created everything in pairs" and since He "created the male and female from a single self", it is God that is the point of reference for the married pair. "He has set up the balance..." of all things, so He is to be looked for to set all things in the right equilibrium. If the two partners of a marriage set themselves in correct relation to God then certainly a perfect balance will be realized within their lives together. Since God is One, "the closer the heart is to Oneness, the stronger is the power of love within it." Love is a movement towards unity, towards oneness. "God made their hearts familiar" (8:63) through the light of Oneness that yields spiritual love and familiarity in the heart. For love is the shadow of Oneness, familiarity the shadow of love, and balance the shadow of familiarity."